Thoughts

Have you ever wondered where your life is going and if your efforts are good enough.
Sometimes I think if I've even tried to get my life where I want it. A career, stability for my kids and relationships. Do I purposely sabotage myself? Sometimes I wonder. I know I can have a better life but what is holding me back? I can play the victim or the one who has overcome all obstacles. I know the choice is mine, but why am I so afraid? I know I sabotage my own life and purposely put obstacles in my way. I'm scared to live, I'm scared of life, it freaks me out, but why I constantly ask myself. I'm smart, educated and put my children on the right path but why can't I follow my own teachings? It's almost like I purposely fail. All these questions plague me constantly.